That’s not Cricket! O yes it fucking is.
If you think Cricket is a boring gentleman’s game then you either never played it with a proper club or are a girl.
Its all about getting drunk, showing off how good you are while helping your team mates to a great day and even better night out. And of course a bit o banter with the opposition.
In what other sport could you be reported to the league committee for abuse, foul language and verbal threats on a night out and not actually during the cricket game or season? And in what other sport would the team who have reported you turn up and actually say that they had been abused and verbally threatened by Elvis. Or a man dressed up on a stag night as Elvis. Case dismissed M’lud.
But what is the real attraction about Cricket apart from all the stories, characters etc? It is the game itself. It is an epic story compared to a insta games like football. It is an art form and needs time and a lot of alcohol to fully appreciate it.
There have been so many controversies and dodgy stuff in cricket that they cant be listed but if you think cricket is a game for cunts well read on my son because after reading some of these stuff you will think that’s not Cricket! O yes it fucking is.
Below is part of the Extracts from Herschelle Gibbs’ autobiography
On drugs:
“I’ve tried buzz, scag, woop, pla, e, weed, 7, acid, purple drank, shrooms, s, charlie, ploppa, angel, sunshine, pebbles, kicker and zoom. Not all at once. That is an important lesson for all kids out there.”
On Jacques Kallis:
“I once saw him eat a live dog. He didn’t even shave it.“
From the brilliant cuntspoker official cricket partner site cricket with balls (“constantly overstepping the line”)
Another great site is The Reverse Sweep (“An acerbic and irreverent twist on the wonderful world of cricket”)
One of the greatest episodes of “That’s not Cricket! O yes it fucking is” was the bodyline series. Basically the Aussie cunts thought they were gonna easily win as they had perhaps the greatest batsmen of all time, Don Bradman, playing for them. The the English captain, Douglas Jardine, brought cricket into the modern age years before any one else. If you cant get them out, knock them out.
Below is an extract of the The Reverse Sweep post on Heroes: Douglas Jardine
A man of Empire and a bygone age
Just like Churchill and Wellington, Jardine always struck me as a true hero of the Empire – an era when people were proud to be British, even if at times were maybe a little over arrogant to the Dominions. As a firm believer in the British Empireand as a Wykehamist and Oxford Blue, plus his haughty demeanour and harlequin cap, Jardine was always going to get up the noses of Australians.
There are many quotes attributed to him about his dislike of all things Australian, but my favourite two have to be “All Australians are an unruly and uneducated mob”, and also after being told that “They don’t seem to like you very much over here Mr Jardine”, DRJ responded bluntly “The feeling is fucking mutual”. As a ten year old boy, I found that very funny. And indeed, as a thirty-something I still find it funny.
And he was a fine player to boot…
His one test century truly showed the mettle of the man. It came against a West Indian side bowling bodyline against him, which reinforced Jardine’s belief that a strong and resolute batsman could play and prosper against this type of bowling – a final dig at Bradman, perhaps?
